06 Oct 2008

Sleep comes easily to most people around me. I have known some to be able to dift in and out of sleep throughout the entire day and yet sleep soundly like a baby in the night. I am amazed. I think I used to be able to do that as well but events in recent times have made me lose that ability. Used to mock at people when they tell me they lose sleep because their minds can't stop thinking about certain events in their life. I thought to myself "How is that possible?". Isn't it easy to just shut the thoughts out of the mind and just sleep? But now, I truely understand how they felt. Sleep seems like a distant friend now whom rarely comes to you except for an occassion like a wedding or a funeral or new birth. But in this instance, sleep only comes when (1) alcohol comes to help (2) some flu or cough medicine takes its effect o (3) when I haven't slept for maybe 3 days and I just concuss the minute I touch the bed.
The wee hours of the night are the hardest to bear. When the clock goes past midnight, the eyes open wider and depression starts to kick in. It starts to get quieter by the minute. Babies go to sleep. Couples stop quarreling as they get tired. Lights in the home gets switched off. TV sets get switched off. I used to stand in my balcony smoking and staring at the TV set of my neighbour opposite. That neighbour of mine watches hellavu lot of TV. Then when THEIR TV gets switched off I fall into deeper depression because I know it's already hellavu late! Dogs stop barking as well. Cats stop meowing. Then the eerie sounds of the night starts. Crickets and I don't know what else. I don't want to know and wish I will never get to see them. Smoking becomes a chore because the time I'm smoking is the time when I got nothing to do and the mind wanders again. Then I start to think why the hell didn't I go out tonight. If I had went out and drink, I would be able to sleep now and not listen to cricket sounds.
Yet again, I am sometimes worried that this drinking habit of mine might one day pose as a problem to me. What if I get hooked? What if I have to carry to bottle of alcohol with me everywhere I go like you see in the movies in future? What if? What if? Life is full of "what if"s. But then again its a choice between sleeping and not sleeping. I think I choose sleep
I watched a show last night and a character in the show has problems sleeping as well. Yet she is very happy about it. She's happy because she has extra hours everyday to do what she likes to do. Like midnight bowling and supper. I wish I could be happy about losing sleep like her to but its impossible. There's really nothing much to do at night. Yeah I can go bowling and stuff. But the fact that I have to take a cab out and back, plus midnight charges and pay for whatever activities that I may do? It's not smart for the wallet. And as for supper? If I were to do that each time I lose sleep, I'd not fit on my bed anymore.
So the choices are clear. (1) Happy but broke. (2) Happy but fat. (3) Alcoholic but well rested. (4) Med-freak but well-rested. (4) Panda eyes and tired but rich, not fat, not alcoholic, not med-freak. I think I choose well-rested. In fact I wish I can just sleep for the rest of my life. Because my mind can't stop thinking when I am awake. Oh what the hell. Isn't it better to just be stupid? Because stupid people don't think that much.
Minimal brain activity is the optimal choice.